I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
