i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
