Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
