So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
We got so high we made milksteak
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
