If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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