Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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