who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
