there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
