i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
