oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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