hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize