Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
