My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Randomize
