you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
