I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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