Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
