We won't sleep together?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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