So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
