There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
