there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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