so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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