i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
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I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
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We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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