A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
YAS. BRING CRAB.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
