Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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