Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Randomize
