i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
