two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
