I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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