Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
