So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
third nipple confirmed
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
