Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
