No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We don't watch enough power rangers
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
