So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
