woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
