Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
