i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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