oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
These tits shall not be calmed
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
