Is it normal to miss your booty call?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I supernannyed him into submission
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