but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Randomize
