Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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