just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
