# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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