I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
