so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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