im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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