How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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