she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
