last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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