He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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