Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
