It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Come back. Shots need mouths.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
