why im i the only drunk person in the library?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
