He asked me if I "almost moaned"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize