Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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