Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
