i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
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And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
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The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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