I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
