i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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