whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
How external is "for external use only"?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
