See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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