U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
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It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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