Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Girls should come with a carfax report
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
How external is "for external use only"?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
