We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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