u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
