I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
