She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
