Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
