Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
