Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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