how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
