I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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