fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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