...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
God I need to hump something, right now.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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