Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
