Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
