what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
