And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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