i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
