WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
