You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
