TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
