Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
These tits shall not be calmed
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
