so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
