1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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